Sexual innuendo to drive sales…

New Low for “Fr.” Zuhl$dorf: “Use Protection!”

We’ve said it before, and, unfortunately, we have reason to say it again: The Rev. John Zuhlsdorf — “Father Z” — is apparently a full-time professional businessman using the “traditional Catholic priesthood” as a sales gimmick.

In case our previous posts and sample links didn’t convince you of our less-than-stellar view of this man…

…we now have even more confirmation that his morals are as questionable as the validity of his priesthood:

Using sexual innunedo (!) in the title of one of his blog posts dated July 11, 2014, “Fr. Z” tries to drive more sales. The title is: “Advice from a priest: Use protection!” You can view his post here.

Anyone who hasn’t lived under a rock for the last 100 years can spot the deliberately suggestive ambiguity, the innuendo, contained in this phrase: “Use protection” is, of course, a popular euphemistic slogan employed by the liberal-pagan left to tell people to contracept when they fornicate so they are “protected” from pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases. In other words, “use protection” is typically used as an exhortation to commit two mortal sins at the same time: fornicate and contracept. What a perfect slogan for a “priest” to use to get more of your money!

But don’t get us wrong: We’re not suggesting that Zuhlsdorf is trying to promote contraception or fornication. Definitely not. His post is about nothing sexual or moral at all actually — it is about “recommending” (read: selling) uninterruptible power supplies that protect you from power failures.

Is there anything wrong with doing that? Of course, selling battery backups is not wrong; in fact, such devices are rather important if you want to keep your computer safe. What is wrong, however, is the shamefully indecent way “Father Z” is doing it: by using a perceived hidden sexual message as an attention grabber to get people to click on and read the post, which contains sales links. Obviously, the more clicks on the links, the more sales, and the more sales, the more cash for him, as he gets paid a commission from Amazon based on the total value of items sold.

So, Zuhl$dorf’s latest tactic is to create in people’s minds an association with sexual sin and, having piqued their curiosity in this way, to hope they will purchase the linked products, thus increasing his bank account balance. Now there’s a great priestly role model for you! (Please don’t think for a minute Mr. Z actually cares about your computer — he obviously doesn’t even give a hoot about your soul).

In case the blog post in question should mysteriously disappear from his site, we have taken a screenshot of it. As you can see, we have added some red markings and numbered them — below we provide comments on each.



(1) This is the indecent title of the blog post which serves as Zuhlsdorf’s attention grabber to entice people to click and see what the post is about. People are naturally curious about sexual matters, which is precisely what Mr. Z is counting on. So people will click, only to find out that the “priest” blogger wants to sell them electronics.

(2) This is one of the first things you see when you look at the blog post: Z’s Amazon search box. Anything you buy through that, he will get a commission on, typically around 6.5%.

(3) Here Z assures his visitors from the United Kingdom that he has a search box for the UK version of Amazon as well. Wouldn’t want to miss out on all the cash from your British fans, now would you?!

(4) A hard-to-miss “Donate” button. In addition to sales commissions, Mr. Z also begs his supporters for direct cash. Poor guy — his “bishop” must not have enough money to pay him a salary!

(5) Here “Fr.” Z notifies his visitors that though one-time donations to him are great, it would be even better if he could be sent cash on a recurring basis, by means of convenient direct debit through Paypal. Ker-ching!

(6) This is a direct product link to AmaZon he wants you to click on so you can spend $60 (as of the time of this writing) on an uninterruptible power supply he gets paid a commission on.

(7) In case you want to spend more, “Fr.” Zuhl$dorf offers you this alternate product for $180, on which he will make, roughly estimating, $10 per item sold.

John Zuhlsdorf has stated before (on a broadcast with Michael Voris) that he gets tens of thousands of hits a day on his blog. So let’s do some math to see just how lucrative his “Father Z” business might be for him — we’ll be very charitable and make some very conservative assumptions that will err on the side of less money for him:

Let’s assume that…

  • he gets 20,000 hits a day
  • on average, he sells $50 worth of products through Amazon for every 1,000 hits (=each hit produces an average of 5 cents of Amazon sales revenue)
  • his average Amazon commission is 6.5% (standard)

This would come to…

$50 x 20 x 0.065 = $65 per day

Now assume these $65 per day for 365 days…

= $23,725 per year minimum Amazon commission

Not bad for a single man who doesn’t really have anything to do all day. Plus, remember that this is a minimum amount based on very conservative estimates, and this does not even include the sales commissions he gets on everything else he sells on his blog through stores other than Amazon, such as Mystic Monk Coffee, his Cafe Press Fr. Z’s Store, Ammunition Depot, and — nor does it include the donations people send him directly, or the salary he (presumably) gets from his bishop in Italy, or fees he might get paid for speaking at conferences and/or parishes.

Overall, Zuhl$dorf seems to have a pretty comfortable online business. Other people have to work long and hard, and support families, for the kind of money you can figure coming in for Wine-and-Dine Zuhlsdorf from putting up sales links and blog commentary all day (and don’t forget the Z Cam!). It’s sad to have to say this, but indications really are that “Fr. Z’s Blog” is primarily a business, where the smells and bells of Catholicism are used to lure people to provide a comfortable living for a man who loves to tout his “priesthood” (from John Paul II!) without ever much doing the typical work of a priest. The fact that, as he points out on his [old] Facebook page (the new one is here), hecompleted undergraduate and graduate college studies in theater (!) helps to underscore, rather than undermine, our point: He needs your cash, because the show must go on!


John Zuhlsdorf enjoying the fruits of his online business

So, if you ever happen to come across his blog again, just remember this little six-letter acronym as your reality check: WDTPRS — What Does The Phony Really Sell?

To use a quote, duly adapted to the case at hand, based on Mt 16:26 and attributed to St. Thomas More addressing Richard Rich (in the movie A Man for All Seasons): “Why John, it profits a man nothing to give up his soul for the whole world… But for sales?!

His view for awhile…

You may wonder why we even bother criticizing Mr. Zuhlsdorf, why we pay any attention to him. Are we guilty of envy perhaps?! No, the truth is simply this: “Father” Zuhlsdorf has tremendous influence in the blogosphere over the souls of a lot of good-willed, pious people who seek to be genuine Roman Catholics. His site gets tens of thousands of hits a day, as we already said, and his Twitter followers are roughly 24,000 as of the time of this writing. Do not underestimate the damage this man inflicts on the few who are left in the world who mean to be good traditional Catholics — and now instead waste their precious time reading his blog posts about bird feeders, target shooting, movie reviews, and the breadcrumbs he found on his economy-class plane seat. (Hey, whatever it takes to make sure people don’t have time to read pre-Vatican II Catholic theology!)

It is charlatans like “Fr.” Zuhlsdorf who keep so many attached to the Novus Ordo Sect; following him is considered “hip” and “cool” by people who think themselves traditional and orthodox (by Novus Ordo standards) — all because of the externals (“Look, he wears a biretta, stands up to Nancy Pelosi, and was ordained by the Pope! Oh my gosh, he knows so much Latin!”). It is especially people like him who make the Vatican II religion look credible as the Catholic Church of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that’s a real shame.

The faster he is unmasked, the better for all.

Image sources: unknown / (screenshot, annotated) / unknown /
Licenses: fair use / fair use / fair use / paid

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