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Eucharistic Knee Failure:
Francis’ Medical Condition identified?
“For it is written: As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me,
and every tongue shall confess to God.” (Rom 14:11)
Ladies and gentlemen, we are happy to announce that Novus Ordo Watch has finally been able to determine by means of remote diagnosis the reason for Jorge Bergoglio’s persistent failure to kneel before what he claims to believe is the Holy Eucharist.
The Argentinian Jesuit, known to the world by his stage name “Pope Francis”, suffers from an extraordinary and highly localized medical condition known as “Eucharistic Knee Failure”, or EKF.
EKF originates in the Buenos Aires region of Argentina and is currently prevalent only in and around Vatican City. Initial research indicates it exclusively affects Jesuit antipopes over the age of 70. Although the condition is chronic, onset of symptoms is typically sudden and acute. An empirical cause has not been identified.
It is characteristic of EKF that the knees fail only when the affected finds himself in front of the Blessed Sacrament or even just the external appearances thereof. Symptoms can be masked by standing and sitting. Often accompanying the distressing condition are a somber facial expression and a strong unwillingness to explain oneself. The most recent onslaught manifested itself during Francis’ Corpus Christi service on June 6, 2021:
Although EKF can strike at any time throughout the year, studies have shown that flare-ups tend to be particularly severe during the month of June, specifically within eight days after Trinity Sunday.
Rumor has it that Francis is greatly embarrassed by this condition, especially since he is an outspoken advocate of “doing theology while kneeling”.
Although the only known cure is supernatural and dependent on the subject’s willingness to humble himself, natural treatment options are available even to the proud. To get knees back in working condition, doctors recommend exposing onself to the presence of Protestants offering a “blessing”, of African politicians, of Anglican “relics”, of politically-correct feet in need of being washed, or of a confessional chamber with at least one rolling camera nearby:
Needless to say, Novus Ordo Watch wishes all who suffer from Eucharistic Knee Failure a speedy and lasting recovery!
We will end this post with an important insight the “Pope” gave to the world during his Epiphany sermon on Jan. 6, 2020: “If we can fall on our knees before Jesus, we will overcome the temptation to set off on our own path” (source).
Image source: youtube.com (screenshots)
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